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I look at these "before" photos (from january) and I see, not someone who doesn't care about her health, not someone lazy or unwilling, unmotivated, but I see someone who doesn't love herself enough to feel she deserves health and happiness. My mental health has been something I have been continually working on this last year, taking actionable steps to be healthier in mind, body, and spirit. It has prevented me from making decisions for me in my past, it has most definitely stunted my potential in more than one area of my life over the years; one of those areas has been my physical wellness. I just want everyone to know that it is not always simple, you can't just jump on a treadmill when you're depressed and "run it off." You cannot eat junk and then punish yourself by only eating carrot sticks for the next day(s) following and feel better. You have to love yourself enough to go to the workout, to move your body, to fuel your body intuitively, or you will never obtain the validation, the results, or the wellness you so desperately want.
I just want to preface this post by saying that you might look at the january picture and see someone who didn't care enough to take care of herself, who let herself go. But I see someone who had been living the lie for years that she was not worthy, not deserving, of a healthy and happy life. In fact, I see her on the very last day she lived feeling that way.
News flash: Not everyone you see "out of shape" has a motivation or laziness problem. Sometimes they have a self-love problem; maybe that person is you. But I promise once you dedicate your time to loving yourself, the rest will follow. The physical fitness, the mental health, the career, social life, relationships with others, your whole dang life, will all start to fall into place. Love you first. You are the key to achieving your goals, but only when you love yourself enough into pursuing them.
Okay, now let's chat it out month by month to show you my wellness journey of 2021 and how I got here.
I started out in January doing Madeline Moves Tighter Together workout program, doing it 4 days a week, sometimes 5 or 6 if I was doing well that week. And it was hard, not because the workouts were complex or because everything was hard and complicated, but because I had quit on myself so many times before, believing I just wasn't strong enough, or I wasn't worth the effort, or that other things (people, priorities, life events) were more pressing than my own health, so I would put my health on the back burner for everything and everyone else. When you have quit on yourself so many times before, who is not to say you won't do it this time? this recurrent thought, the consistent killer of my progress over the years.
Well, this time I didn't quit. I kept going. I stuck with it, and I was so proud of getting through that whole dang month, and finally committing to at least one part of a healthier life, which in turn was a happier life for me. See Workout Progress - 1 month if reading about how I felt then interests you!
February came and went and gosh darn it, I stuck to it and kept going! I did about 4 days a week consistently throughout February of the Tighter Together workouts, this time with more flexibility and randomized based on what muscle group I felt like targeting. Somewhere toward the end of the month I just stopped. I don't even know when because these things are not always easy to pinpoint, but somehow life got in the way, I got busy, tired, stretched too thin, and something had to give. Naturally, like every time before it, it was my health. I fell off the wagon, hence why there is not a progress photo for March; I quit. But you know what? I didn't beat myself up about it like I would in the past. I didn't say, "well you quit so now there is no use trying again." or "you're too far gone to get back to where you were." I just quietly embraced that this season was maybe a break, but not the end.
March came and about midway through the month I decided I wanted to get back to it, so after 3 weeks off, I just started up again, and still have not stopped. I went for one run (a painful and humbling run, ha!), and now am working out 6 days a week between long runs and strength training. This time I allowed myself to come back, not discrediting the progress I had made previously, not resenting the season of rest that I unintentionally had.
Without that season, I wouldn't have realized how much fitness has become an integral part of my life. I wouldn't have had a chance to miss it enough to come back, this time committed because I knew it was what I loved, and not to "be healthier" but mostly to be happier, to be more myself.
I hope that if you are in an "off season" right now, that you take that rest intentionally, but just know that you are able to come back anytime. Don't resent these essential seasons that we don't always plan for. Sometimes they are the most important seasons to us figuring out who we are and what we want.
I just want to encourage you to keep going, to get out there and start reaching for your goals, because I promise you will not regret it. And the only way to get the result you want is to decide you are willing to take the first step; you might even find that you fall in love with the journey of reaching the goal, even over the goal itself.
You are capable of achieving your goals, you just have to find the love within yourself to believe you truly deserve to pursue them. I love you. I believe in you. You are worthy of the life you are dreaming of. So get going at reaching for more.
You will never know what you are capable of until you find the courage to try; who knows, it might even change your life, I know this journey is changing mine.
you are blessed. you are gifted. you are loved and appreciated, just as you are.
mindfully, molli
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