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He said he didn't want her anymore, so she let herself go. With him went a part of herself, she had never felt so low.
Her heart was broken into pieces, blindsided by such an end. A blindside, a hurt, deep and painful, from her very best friend.
He said he didn't want her anymore, and she let herself go. Couldn't get out of bed for days on end, when this would end she didn't know.
She couldn't eat, she couldn't sleep, she didn't want to go on. What was life without him, now that he was gone?
He said he didn't want her anymore so she let herself go. Out of her bed one morning to wash her face, growth, steady and slow.
Each day was hard, but easier than the last, finding new strength in each passing day. She knew she just needed to find the strength it took to get herself through today.
For class each day she rose and went, hoping it would help her heal. She did her best to push away the pain, the memories of that night, and how he made her feel.
She would pray to God to take her hurt, and for him to change his mind. Asking God what she did to lose him, for him to choose to leave her behind.
She let herself go, out with friends on the weekends, to the gym, and to church each week. She let herself go, laughing with her girlfriends until she was grinning from cheek to cheek.
She let herself go listen to music and bask in the fall sunshine. Go to coffee with old friends, until she realized she might be fine.
She let herself go talk about him to others, until she felt a little bit less broken. Until she realized that feelings don't have as tight a grip, once they are out in the open.
She let herself go back to the place where it ended, handling her pain with strength and grace. Pushing back her hurt and disappointment, putting a pained smile on her face.
She let herself love who she was becoming, and tried to get back on track. Until one day she realized that she would survive, even if he didn't come back.
She finally let herself move forward, focusing on her dreams. She let herself miss him as well of course, but she was no longer falling apart at the seams.
Diving into the things that she loved, for the first time focusing on herself. She let herself eat, she let herself breathe, and took his pictures off her shelf.
She let herself feel happiness again, although without him it wasn't the same. But she healed, one day at a time, until it didn't hurt as much when she would say his name.
She let herself become who she aspired to be, doing all the things she had never done. Until one day she realized, for the first time in a long time, that life again was fun.
She let herself rise from the pile of ashes, after he had left her life in flames. And finally one day a weight lifted off her shoulders, realizing how much still remained.
She let herself flourish in all the places she didn’t know she could, and her worth she finally came to know. He said he didn’t want her anymore, so, she let herself grow.
For those of you who don't know, I love to write. I started writing poems like this one when I was 14 and haven't stopped since. I wrote this one a few years back when I was 18 or 19, one of the first years of college after a pretty bad breakup. Writing has been such a healing experience for me, and it is my hope that by getting the courage to share some of the pieces I write, that it can be healing for others as well.
He said he didn't want her anymore, so, she let herself grow.
I love plants. They have been and will continue to be my inspiration to keep going, keep growing, no matter the weather.
you are blessed. you are gifted. you are loved and appreciated, just as you are.
mindfully, molli
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